You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
