Your dad touched me again.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize