I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
