I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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