Whod you bang
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
