They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
