Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
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