just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize