Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
