I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
