i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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