i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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