Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize