woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
