Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize