I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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