So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
