I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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