Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
