take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
