It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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