drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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