dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
