I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize