she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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