so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
