I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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