didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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