if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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