I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
