I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
