No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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