When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
