Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
