Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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