At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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