so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
