On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
