My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
