wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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