You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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