If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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