is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize