I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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