his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
