I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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