I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
