so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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