Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
