she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
