just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
