I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
