Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
