I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
