I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
