So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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