feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
