If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize