so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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