i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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