Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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