The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
