I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
