If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
